The sun is shining; I have a fire going; my coffee is right next to me. It’s a good day. This week has been a struggle. I’ve been eating pretty much whatever I want, not walking, staring at the TV. Now that we have a president, I feel like life can move on.

Yesterday I was terrible. We ordered a giant pizza, a Caesar salad, pasta, fried ravioli, then some Ben & Jerry’s and cookies. In my past life, I would have eaten until I couldn’t eat anymore. At least yesterday, I felt like I was slightly under control. Here is the thing, the carbs make me tired. As much as I love them, I know that I can’t handle them the way I used to.

Pesto, chicken and basil pizza.
Fried ravioli, caesar salad, pasta.

I made a promise that I wasn’t going to eat this crap anymore, and always when I do, I don’t feel great. I was going to write this long blog post about a friend who keeps bringing carbs in the house, a woo is me, post about how they don’t understand the struggle. I don’t feel like I can do that anymore. It would be hypocritical of me. So, I need to give myself at least a week without carbs before I can complain about anyone else.

Here is the thing, it’s so easy to want to celebrate because of winning an election, or a birthday, wedding, etc.  I know that I can’t do that anymore.  Now I’m sitting here, afraid to check my blood sugar because I know it is way higher than it should be.  Ignoring the problem doesn’t solve anything, but it sure is fucking nice sometimes.  That’s what people don’t understand.  When the birthday, election, a party is over, and the friends leave the house, the diabetes is still here.  It never goes away.  Yes, one horrible blood sugar reading is not going to kill me, but they are cumulative, so if I don’t get myself under control as quickly as possible, it may kill me.  Does that make sense?  

I’ve turned this into a ranting piece, which I didn’t mean to do. Here is the other thing, I know I’m not working as hard as I should. I should be posting on this blog and Instagram every day. I should be taking care of myself every day. I know I’ve said this before, but when you all don’t hear from me, it means that I’m letting myself go. I’ve put all of these things into place, but I’m not using them. That is my fault. I have to stop doing that. I will stop doing that. Okay, here is to move on. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Today is a new, better day!

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