F&ck Diabetes!!!!

I’m pissed.  I really wanted there to be no reason for me to have this site.  I wanted to give it up. I decided a few days ago that I wasn’t going to post then, I went to the doctor.  I went because I’ve been having some stomach pain, gas, bloating, stuff that you don’t really want to write to the world about.  Yesterday, while I was there, my doctor decided that it was time to do a round of tests to see how I was doing. It had been about six months since my last appointment, so I was due.  I got the results back today, my A1C was 7.4. I honestly can’t remember what it was the first time I got tested and they said I had diabetes, maybe 7.4? This is definitely the highest it’s been six months, if not ever.  

Here is the deal, it makes sense.  I’ve been stressed for the last three months, I haven’t been taking my blood sugar readings every day.  The doctor’s office scale said that I gained 14 pounds. I cannot tell you how much I hate that damn scale!  If you look at this picture you’ll see that in the last 90 days I’ve only taken 108 readings, I should have taken 180.  

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Ultimately, what I’m most pissed about is that this is something that is going to affect the rest of my life.  I cannot let my guard down even for a brief moment. Therefore, I do have a need for this blog. I’m not sure how this will materialize, I may post my food every day, but that seems boring.  Maybe I’ll do a weekly blog post? Let’s see what happens, but I do know that I’m not going to let diabetes get the best of me. I’m going to garner the strength to get through this as best I can.  But for tonight, all I can say is F&CK DIABETES!

Last year was one hell of a year. Two people that were near and dear to me, and were my age, in their’s, lost their lives to senseless diseases. The last quarter of the year felt like it was constant travel for funerals and just sadness. The lesson that I learned from 2018 was that you truly never know when your life will end and you need to make every moment count.

Here are some plans for 2019. In January I’m going to be sober. No drinking of alcohol at all. I’m going to start intermittent fasting. I started today, I fasted for 16 hours (8pm-12pm) and then ate in an 8-hour window (12pm-8pm). I’m just going to focus on that for the first month, and then worry more about the low carb once I’m comfortable with that in February.

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I’m also going to work on getting unneeded clutter out of my life, mentally and physically.

I need to keep my eye on the prize. I’m getting married in October, so I need to focus on making money this year, getting in shape and being the happiest I can be.

Here is to a wonderful 2019!

Grown men do cry, and it’s okay.

Have you ever been in a crowded room but felt like no one was there? The last few days have been a blur, my dear friend passed away on Christmas Eve, I learned about it Christmas morning as I was starting to prep dinner for my fiancé’s family. That’s how I felt on Christmas Day after serving dinner. I was sitting in my chair, looking at pictures and posts on Facebook about my friend. I heard voices chatting but it was chatter, that’s it. I wanted to escape to my room and cry, yes grown men do cry, and that’s okay. I feel like I’ve done a lot of crying lately.

I’m feeling like there is a huge shift happening in the universe. My hope is that this year will end and next year we will start anew with happiness and light.

I could tell you what I’ve eaten the last few days but this doesn’t seem like a post for that. My blood sugar was in the 200’s yesterday twice but it’s back down today so that is good.

I’ll get back to my old self with posting in the next few days but wanted to let you know that I’m still here. I’m just working on giving myself time to feel everything.

December 23 and 24- Christmas Eve Blood Sugar…..

It’s Christmas Eve and my blood sugar is a mess. It was 185 this morning and 219 tonight. I have been pounding some water with hopes that I would get it to go down but I also may have had a few bags of cheezits. I can’t wait until all of this holiday crap is done. Although, I’m looking forward to cooking tomorrow and hanging out with friends and family.

This is kind of a combination post from yesterday and today. I did not write down what I ate yesterday but I know I had bacon and eggs with potatoes for breakfast lunch, then last night we finished the potatoes that I made, had carne asada chicken and asparagus. Today I had chocolate chip cookies, meat, and cheese, three mini roast beef sandwiches, the cheezits and left over carne asada chicken.

I’d like to say that I’m celebrating the holiday but I’m really just trying to make it through the holiday. Then I’m excited about the New Year and a new me, you know how that goes.

Okay, my fiance and I are going to watch ‘The Holiday’ and get to bed. Merry Christmas Eve!

Well, I started off yesterday with good intentions, that counts for something right? We decided to go to the movies to see ‘Second Act’ with Jennifer Lopez. It was okay but I’m getting tired of movies that have the same plot. Anyway, instead of getting something that had a lot of carbs in it at the movie theater, we went to the dine in, I made myself a salad with some hard boiled eggs that I had left over from the week. Then we got to the movies and I had an order of chicken wings and also ate my fiance’s pretzel bites with cheese sauce.  Then last night I went to a friends birthday party, someone I’ve known since we were teenagers. I had three vodka soda’s with lime, my choice of drink because it has little to no sugar, and my fiance had two glasses of wine. Our bill came to $60 without the tip, isn’t that crazy?

My blood sugar was a little weird yesterday,  I think it was because of the pretzel bites at the movie. It’s not often that my blood sugar is lower in the morning than it is in the afternoon.

You know that feeling that you get when you’ve had a bit to drink and you just need something to eat? Well, that was what I was feeling like, so we got a grilled cheese sandwich late at night. I keep telling myself it’s the holidays and I’ll be better as soon as the new year starts. I hope it’s true.

I’m beginning to think that this is becoming a blog about how to get diabetes, instead of a blog about how I’m recovering. I do realize that it’s the holiday season. I have to give myself a little bit of a break, especially with all of the drama that I’ve been going through.

This is random, I know, but for those of you that were interested, getting in line to wait to go to a TV taping is not glamorous at all. Yesterday afternoon I got out of work 2 hours early so that I could attempt to go to a taping of ‘The Connors.’ My partner and I drove to Warner Brothers in Burbank, the ticket always says to be there 90 minutes prior to a show taping, which was 4 pm, we were there by 2:15 pm. It’s best to get there earlier but I could not take the whole day off and we didn’t think it would be that crowded, because people were leaving for the holiday. We were wrong. We sat on those cold ass benches in the garage and because the VIP list was so long, they only let about 50 of us regular people in. We did not make the cut, which in the end was good, because I only slept about four hours the night before. We ended up picking up some Zankou Chicken and heading home. Y’all, I was asleep on the couch by 7 pm.

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This is part where I convince you that I’m not doing a blog about how to reverse diabetes. What didn’t I eat yesterday? My boss got each of us coffee mugs with a shortbread cookie, pinwheel cookies, dark chocolate and a packet of hot cocoa. I ate three hard-boiled eggs, the cookies, a package of meat and cheese. Then for lunch, I ate a salad with leftover chicken from the night before. Dinner, as I mentioned above was Zankou chicken, they have this garlic paste that is just insane. I could eat it all day, lather it on pita bread. Oh, and then there were cookies, so many cookies that my partner brought home from work.

I’m so looking for the holiday’s to be over. I’m not really feeling like I’m getting one because I have to work both Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve while most of my friends are off. It will be fine though because I’m saving my vacation time for my wedding this fall.

December 20- Vodka…….

I promised I’d write every night. Here I am! I’m not going to be dishonest, I have three vodka drinks this evening. I had some rough day today, I found out some tough news about my friend. How I dealt with it was going to the bar, eating chicken wings and drinking vodka. Here is the deal though, I could have come home and eaten oreo’s, but I did not. I ate some protein instead, a chicken leg and a chicken thigh.

My blood sugar was good today. I ate eggs for breakfast this morning, meat and cheese, a salad for lunch and the chicken and wings for dinner.

I’m heading to bed. Tomorrow I’m heading to a taping of ‘The Connors.’ It should be a blast!

Today cheezit’s won. I got home, after being exhausted all day and I ripped into four one-ounce bags of cheezit’s. I regret every minute of it, at least I regret two of the four bags. I’m an emotional wreck because I’m still waiting on news about my friend. I got about four hours of sleep because I kept waking up after having what I can only describe as panic attacks.

I had meat and cheese and peppers and hummus for breakfast today. For lunch, I had leftover pork, brussel sprouts, and onions. Tonight I had a spinach salad as well as chicken that I had marinated in carne asada seasoning. I’m a little anxious because we might be going to dinner tomorrow night at an Italian restaurant that I love. Loads of garlic knots are usually eaten when I go to this place. I don’t know how I will resist but I have to go.

My blood sugar a little high this morning but it was fine this afternoon. I did go for a small walk at work during lunch.

I have so much on my mind lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about life, about how every moment really does matter. If it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you should take nothing for granted. You really do not know what tomorrow may bring.

 

A week ago tonight I got the news that one of my best friends had a massive stroke. Then on Thursday, we had to fly to Orlando for a work thing. The work thing was a blast, we got to go to DisneyWorld for two days. But, hanging over my head, was the news of my friend. The prognosis is not good and it’s been rough. I’ve let myself go during this time, eating whatever I want. I also discovered that it is very difficult to find good food to eat at a theme park. On Saturday night it was so crowded that the only thing we could find was pizza. It was delicious but I shouldn’t have eaten it.

Here is what I’ve decided. I’m going to write every day, no matter what. I’m going to take my blood sugar level twice a day. I could not even find my blood sugar machine when I went to Orlando this past weekend, so it’s been at least a week since I’ve checked it.

 

This morning my blood sugar was 183. Tonight my blood sugar was 120. My eating was good today. I had meat and cheese for breakfast, a spinach salad with chicken for lunch and then pork loin with brussel sprouts and onions for dinner. Yesterday, I ate 3 bags of cheez-it’s, a turkey sandwich on a baguette, 3 donuts, and then spinach salad with chicken for dinner. So, I’m excited to be back to my healthy eating.

Onward to tomorrow!

It’s been a few days. You know when it’s been a few days that I’ve fallen off the wagon. I’ve definitely let myself go this past weekend. We’ve had a friend in town and we celebrated two birthdays. I tried to be good but that all went out the window with the first delicious cocktail at a club in Santa Monica. Here is a rundown of things I’ve eaten since Friday, a brie and prosciutto panini, nachos, quesadillas, omelets, more vodka than anyone should consume, popcorn, a Mexican brunch buffet with bottomless mimosas. Here is the good news though, I did start with weekend with a long walk from Venice Beach to Santa Monica!

I’m not going to lie, it always leads to a little bit of a depression. I had a shirt on today and it felt tight, I made myself wear it all day, or until I got home and I was depressed all day. I go through these cycles and I just feel extremely sad that I can’t get myself together.

Here is another struggle, we are headed to Orlando this weekend for a company party. We will be at DisneyWorld and there is just going to be temptation everywhere. Part of me thinks I should just give up until after the holidays but I still have to keep trying.

Tonight we are going to see a preview of Ellen DeGeneres’s new Netflix special in Hollywood. Unfortunately, I don’t think she will be there but it will be fun.

More soon.

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